Christi Paul, Christians and Divorce

"Think about it - hasn't every good thing that's happened in your life happened because something 'changed'? So why do we fear it?"--Christi Paul

"If you live off a man's compliments, you'll die from his criticism". - Cornelius Lindsey

Earlier this year, I did a post reviewing Christi Paul's book, Love Isn't Supposed to Hurt.  It is an excellent book, because it shows how difficult it is to leave an abusive marriage as a Christian when it's verbal abuse.

I think the Christian world has done a disservice to women, in that they want marriage to be saved at all costs.  It is a reaction to the high divorce rate, even among Christians.  I understand the reaction, but many women are trampled upon in the process.  The Christian world doesn't want people to come up with "excuses" to get a divorce.  Yet, abuse of any kind is not an excuse.

The other thing that bothers me, and many other divorcees mention this as well, is that often used quote in Christendom and other places, "divorce is the easy way out."  Divorce is many things, but an easy way out, it is not.

I didn't initiate the divorce, and I didn't want my kids to go through the repercussions of divorce, but in reflecting on my marriage, I put up with things that I never should have.  And why did I do that?  It was because Christians aren't supposed to get divorced.

But after four years of a marriage like that, I knew I was either going to have a breakdown or a breakout.  I chose to breakout.  I finally realized I'd rather live authentically than live a lie.--Christi Paul 

Recently, Paul wrote a great article entitled, The Benefits of Verbal Abuse.  Despite it being on the Huffington Post website, it's worth reading.

"The first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don't."--Christi Paul

Paul empowers all women to learn from their difficult situations and change their lives.  She has encouraged and inspired me in my life.  She was hesitant to speak out for many years, but now that she has, she has been a source of great encouragement.  A lesson to all of us to be open to sharing the difficult areas of our life, we never know who we might uplift.    

My "48 Days to the Work I Love" Journey--Day 2

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.--Confucius

The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion.  He hardly knows which is which.  He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing.  To him he is always doing both.--James Michener

Day 2
--Read Chapter 1 and answer the questions at the end
--Ask yourself what you were "born to do"

The frustration of that go beyond those even at high-income levels reminds me again and again that money is ultimately never enough compensation for unhappily investing one's time and energy.  There must be a sense of purpose, meaning, and accomplishment.--Dan Miller

When we are not true to ourselves, to our unique God-given characteristics, we lose the power of authenticity, creativity, imagination, and innovation.  Our life becomes performance-based, setting the stage for compromise in all other areas of our lives.--Dan Miller

This was an inspirational and encouraging chapter to read.  The questions at the end of the chapter really made me think about what I've done in the past as an indicator for what will work in the future.  I am still thinking through what my answer will be for what I was born to do.

2013 Book List--Part 3

2013 is biography year for me. I have read 19 biographies so far.

1) Eleven On Top--Janet Evanovich
2) Love Isn't Supposed to Hurt--Christi Paul
3) The Forgotten Man: A New History of the Great Depression--Amity Shlaes
4) A Journey Through the Life of William Wilberforce: The Abolitionist Who Changed the Face of a Nation--Kevin Belmonte
5) Extraordinary, Ordinary People: A Memoir of Family--Condoleezza Rice
6) Frances Perkins: First Woman Cabinet Member--Emily Keller
7) Raging Heart--Sheila Weller
8) Silent Partner--Dina Matos McGreevey
9) 60 Days to Self-Love for Moms--Nicole Burns
10) The Cold War--Andrew Heritage
11) Staying True--Jenny Sanford
12) A Stolen Life--Jaycee Dugard
13) Broken on the Back Row--Sandi Patty
14) Columbine--Dave Cullen
15) Pol Pot--John Allen
16) Twelve Sharp--Janet Evanovich
17) I Beat the Odds--Michael Oher
18) The Khmer Rouge and the Cambodian Genocide--Sean Bergin
19) Taking Heat--Ari Fleischer
20) Out of Captivity--Tom Howes, Marc Gonsalves, Keith Stansell & Gary Brozek
21) The Favored Daughter--Fawzia Koofi
22) How to Pray--R.A. Torrey
23) Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders--Brandi Glanville
24) Rinnavation--Lisa Rinna
25) Ali Was Here--James Kirkpatrick Davis
26) Kinsey and Me--Sue Grafton
27) Remembering Jackie--Life Books
28) Not my Turn to Die: Memoirs of a Broken Childhood in Bosnia--Savo Heleta
29) Prairie Tale: A Memoir--Melissa Gilbert

Previously:
2013 Book List--Part 2
2013 Book List--Part 1
2012 Book List
2011 Book List
2010 Book List
2008 Book List

My "48 Days to the Work I Love" Journey!--Day 1

So, my life has been turned upside down in the last 2 years.  I have been through a divorce, several job changes and a move.  I have been reluctant to blog about it, but I have missed blogging tremendously, and I decided that I needed to blog for myself and for those that my story might help as well.

I home schooled my kids for 13 years, and was a stay-at-home Mom primarily for 18 years.  Now, I have 2 kids in College and 2 in public school, they are all doing very well academically.

I now find myself in the work force, trying to find a job I love.  I really enjoyed a temporary job that I had working for a freight company, but it didn't pay enough.  I am now working at an assembly line job which pays well, but is sucking the life out of me.

A friend had bought me 2 of Dan Miller's books, 48 Days to the Work You Love and No More Dreaded Mondays.  I figured now is the time to read them and see what where they lead me.  I figured I would blog about my journey to help keep me accountable.

Below is the description for day 1, which I have completed.

Day 1
--Review the 48 day schedule
--Read the Intro and sign and date the commitment

Additional Links:
48 Days Success Stories
Funnyrat's 48 Days Journey

The Favored Daughter! (A Book Review)

Politics was in my blood and I believe it was my destiny. God wanted me to live for a purpose and what greater purpose can there be but to improve the lot of the poor and bring pride to a nation torn apart by war?--Fawzia Koofi

Fawzia Koofi is truly an amazing and courageous woman.  I can't remember how I heard about her book, but I am so glad I did.  I not only learned a lot about Afghanistan, but about the taliban, the mujahideen, the roles of women in society, etc...

Even at that early age I had a sense of the injustice of the position of women in our culture.  I remember the quiet despair of the wives who weren't loved or noticed by my father, and the trials of those who were.--Fawzia Koofi

Koofi was born into a family where her father had 7 wives, she was the nineteenth child and her mother was her father's favorite wife.  Her father was a respected politician, but was murdered when she was only 4.  She survived abuse and death all her life, including the murders of her brother and husband.

Marriage is an important rite in a woman's life, but I truly believe marriage should not prevent her from living her dreams.  Rather, her dreams should become those of her husband's and her husband's dreams should become part of hers.  This new couple should stand together and make the world theirs.--Fawzia Koofi

Out of all of this she was the only daughter in her family to go to school and even started medical school.  She surely would've graduated, had the taliban not taken over while she was in the middle of her education.  When the taliban took over, women lost the few rights they had.

After the United States freed Afghanistan from the taliban, Koofi took hold of her future and ran for parliament in the first free elections in many years.  Her life is constantly in danger, but she knows the cause she serves is too important to quit.  She also ran for the Speaker position in parliament and won as a virtual unknown at the time, and is the first woman to have the role.

She now wants to run for President in 2014.  I can't imagine a better champion or leader for Afghanistan.  I wish her godspeed.

2013 Book List--Part 2

2013 Book List

I have made time for more reading this year and its been very rewarding.  I realized that a lot of my book ideas come from seeing something on tv, movies or on the radio.  I found the above book after watching an episode of I Survived...  Three Americans were held hostage in Columbia for more than 5 years.  Their story was truly amazing.

1) Eleven On Top--Janet Evanovich
2) Love Isn't Supposed to Hurt--Christi Paul
3) The Forgotten Man: A New History of the Great Depression--Amity Shlaes
4) A Journey Through the Life of William Wilberforce: The Abolitionist Who Changed the Face of a Nation--Kevin Belmonte
5) Extraordinary, Ordinary People: A Memoir of Family--Condoleezza Rice
6) Frances Perkins: First Woman Cabinet Member--Emily Keller
7) Raging Heart--Sheila Weller
8) Silent Partner--Dina Matos McGreevey
9) 60 Days to Self-Love for Moms--Nicole Burns
10) The Cold War--Andrew Heritage
11) Staying True--Jenny Sanford
12) A Stolen Life--Jaycee Dugard
13) Broken on the Back Row--Sandi Patty
14) Columbing--Dave Cullen
15) Pol Pot--John Allen
16) Twelve Sharp--Janet Evanovich
17) I Beat the Odds--Michael Oher
18) The Khmer Rouge and the Cambodian Genocide--Sean Bergin
19) Taking Heat--Ari Fleischer
20) Out of Captivity--Tom Howes, Marc Gonsalves, Keith Stansell & Gary Brozek
21) The Favored Daughter--Fawzia Koofi


Previously:
2013 Book List--Part 1
2012 Book List
2011 Book List
2010 Book List
2008 Book List

George W. Bush Presidential Center Dedication!

Yesterday, on the 25th of April, the George W. Bush Presidential Center had its dedication ceremony. As I watched Bush's speech, it reminded me once again why I love him and am so proud he was our President for 8 years.

I am a huge fan of Presidential Museums and my goal is to eventually travel to see them all.  Bush's is a must see for me.  So, I'm planning on taking a long weekend trip and going out to see it sometime this summer, can't wait!!

I got to see Ronald Reagan's and Richard Nixon's last summer when I took my daughter to college in California.  I wasn't blogging at the time, so I may have to do posts on them sometime this year.

Previously:
Gerald Ford Presidential Museum 
Dwight Eisenhower Presidential Museum
Abraham Lincoln

Columbine!

I recently read Columbine by Dave Cullen.  Cullen spent 10 years on Columbine with his book coming out in 2009.  I was surprised by how many myths and misconceptions were alive and well in the early days and even years afterwards.

Columbine was a tragedy that affected many.  One of the things that struck me from Cullen's book was that both Eric and Dylan came from good families with parents who cared, by all accounts.  Yet, the parents were vilified since both boys were dead and everyone needed someone to blame.

Columbine was emotional for me.  I was still in my 20's at the time, and it reminded of a close friend who died while I was in high school.

As I looked up more on the tragedy, I was encouraged by the stories of the survivors and the victim's families 10 years later.  Nothing can bring those loved ones back, but how the rest choose to move on is inspiring.

A Stolen Life! (Book Review)

I remember being captivated when I first heard about this story.  An 11 year old girl named Jaycee Dugard went missing in 1991, and was found 18 years later at the age of 29.  She had been kidnapped, raped and tortured for all that time by Phillip Garrido, who was also aided by his wife Nancy. Jaycee gave birth to 2 girls during her time of captivity.  Yet, her Mother never gave up hope, and neither did Jaycee.

It broke my heart to think that she had 18 years stolen away from her and suffered all of that abuse.  Yet, when you read Jaycee's book and see her talk in person, you are amazed at how she not only survived those years, but is now thriving.  In the past, when I have heard about stories similar to this, I was always sad because my belief was that they could never lead a normal life.  Jaycee Dugard proves that not to be true.

 A Stolen Life was painful to read at times because of the horrors that Jaycee lived through at such a young age. It also saddens me that she lost so much of her life. But I was amazed at how resilient she has become. Her strength is inspiring. 

She did a great job writing this book, and I found it to be a compelling story.  She is very brave, and says that she wrote it to so that victims would have a voice.  She also hopes that it will help reform the justice system which failed her so badly.  Phillip Garrido was a sex offender and a drug addict on parole, and yet somehow during all of his visits from parole officers, they never found Jaycee or her girls, who were located in his back yard.  Here is what the state of California did for her:

In July 2010, the State of California approved a $20 million settlement with Jaycee Dugard, to compensate her for "various lapses by the Corrections Department [which contributed to] Dugard's continued captivity, ongoing sexual assault and mental and/or physical abuse." 

Jaycee has started a wonderful foundation, The JAYC Foundation.  The foundation helps families like Jaycee's after they escape and reunite with their family members.

Jaycee Dugard was awarded a "Lifetime Leadership" honor at the third annual Diane von Furstenberg awards on March 9, 2012 for her courage and her JAYC Foundation which gives support to families dealing with abduction and other tragedies. The DVF awards honor women who are courageous and fight for justice. --Oprah and Jaycee Dugard honored at the DVF awards

I can't think of anyone who deserves that award more than Jaycee.  May God bless her and her family and her foundation!

The Good Wife?

 

My present circumstances have me in a place where it is therapeutic to read about how other women have survived troubled marriages that led to divorce.  I first read Christi Paul's book, Love Isn't Supposed to Hurt and then Dina Matos McGreevey's, Silent Partner.   I really liked both books and so I went in search of other books that were similar.

I found Jenny Sanford's book, Staying True.  The common thread between her book and the other two is that they all relied on their faith to get through.  It has been so encouraging to see that.

When I went looking for books, I came across some interesting articles about political wives whose husbands cheated on them.  It was interesting to see who stayed and who left.  It reminded me of one of my favorite shows right now, The Good Wife.

The two articles are,  5 wives who stayed-and 5 that didn't-after political sex scandals and The Two-Timed Wives Club: 14 Spouses of Cheating Politicians.