Lost Boy--A Review

In the world of the FLDS, things are not always what they seem.  The shiny, smiling surfaces often hide a world of rot and pain.  And even royal blood and being born male can't protect you from sudden changes in its convoluted power structure.--pg. 8

 -The more I read about the FLDS and other cults, the more I see how much they are like countries that are run by dictators.  Dictators and Cult leaders don't allow any freedom for its' members, most believe in communism and/or socialism and the members are brainwashed to believe their lives of slavery are a good thing. 

-Warren Jeffs actually studied Hitler and obviously employed some of Hitler's methods to control people and get them to do what he wanted. 

But while it (polygamy) might seem good in theory, in practice, at least in my experience, its' actually a recipe for misery for everyone involved.  --pg. 8

-Lost Boy by Brent W. Jeffs was another piece in my puzzle of learning about the FLDS.  Up until now I had only read books by the women who had fled and by those who had investigated the FLDS.  Jeffs highlights how polygamy isn't just horrific for the women, young men are also its' victims.

-I recently watched Sons of Perdition, which is a documentary about the many lost boys that either escape or are kicked out of the FLDS.  Hundreds, and possibly close to 1,000 boys have been abandoned by their families at the behest of Warren Jeffs because they were competition for the older men.

-Sons of Perdition and Brent Jeffs' book highlight the many struggles that these boys go through.  Most haven't gotten a good education, because too much time was spent indoctrinating them and also boys are expected to go to work at a young age.  So, once they are in the outside world, they realize how far behind they are.

-Some of the boys have also been victims of abuse, so once they are on the outside, they are prime candidates to become drug addicts and become victims of other illegal activities.

-Brent Jeffs was a direct victim of Warren Jeffs, since Warren raped him and two of his brothers when they were only 5 years old.  It is hard to fathom just how many lives Warren Jeffs has completely destroyed.  Brent's older brother Clayne, was never able to cope with the sexual abuse at Warren's hands and he committed suicide.

-Clayne's death was a major motivator for Brent to get the help he needed to heal, to bring Warren to justice for his crimes and for Brent to tell his story.

-Below are some more quotes from the book:

I'd never really had a chance to develop my own interests.--pg. 146

It's hard to explain just how strange it is to lose your community, most of your family, and an entire belief system and way of life.--pg. 154

When everyone else around you believes, when every single person you know acts as though something is true, when you have been taught it every day since infancy, it really is hard to stand up.  Being instructed day in and day out to value obedience, to see faith as higher than reason, and to discard independent thinking as a sign of possession by the devil makes it even more difficult.--pg. 168

By now, it was clear to me how Warren had turned the FLDS from a strange religion into a dangerous cult.  The difference is this: whereas a religion may have weird beliefs and practices, a dangerous cult uses a combination of seemingly innocuous techniques to control people.  It usually has a charismatic leader who is seen as the source of all wisdom and salvation.  Such groups can actually push normal people to do bizarre things that they would never dream of doing on their own.--pg. 225

When women are seen as second-class citizens, I don't think polygamy can be anything but abusive.--pg. 226

-I regard Brent Jeffs as another hero like the women I have written about.  He too, escaped and went on to face many obstacles, but stood up for himself and many others, so that there might be at least a little justice for the many victims of the FLDS.

Previous FLDS Posts:
The Treatment of Women
Carolyn Jessop--A Portrait of Courage
Triumph
Church of Lies
Studying the FLDS
When Men Become Gods
The Witness Wore Red
Stolen Innocence

Triumph--A Review

But if I could find the strength not to bow to an evil system, I could at least hold on to my self-respect.  
If you understand what you're doing and why, an abuser can never wholly control you.--pg. 148 of Triumph

--I have done 2 posts about Carolyn Jessop and her first book, Escape.  She is an inspirational woman of courage.  I read her first book, Escape, and couldn't put it down.  I knew I needed to read her second one, Triumph.

--It has been therapeutic to read how she escaped a life and marriage that involved emotional, verbal and physical abuse on a level that most people can't imagine.  She was indoctrinated to believe that all of the abuse was okay, and that she was evil if she wanted to stand up to it or even escape from it.

--It has helped me process my own thoughts and beliefs about how people can misuse religion to sometimes lead women into bondage and keep them there. I talk about this in my post, The Treatment of Women.

--Jessop's first book is all about her growing up in the FLDS cult and how she escaped.  Her 2nd book is about the aftermath.  She is able to take on the FLDS and win, not once, but twice.

Winning custody of my children built a bridge halfway across the ravine.  Winning child support completed the job.  I hope the landmark ruling in my case is an inspiration to all women in difficult or abusive relationships.  You can stand up to a perpetrator and win.--p. 246

--She learns how to stand on her own two feet, and find real, unconditional love.  She has inspired me and empowered me in my own life.

--Below, are some more of my favorite quotes from the book:

Within that first year of my marriage, the family saw me as an out-of-control member because I refused to submit totally to its power elite.  While this was often an uncomfortable position.  I possessed something no one else in the family had: the real power that flows from self-respect.--p. 149

Bedrock Beliefs
1) Claim the power of no
2) Set your own standards
3) Hold on to whatever power you do have
4) Forget about perfection, do the best you can
5) Do whatever it takes to protect those you love

Victimhood requires our acquiescence, and I was opting out.--p. 161

I no longer wanted to fix the people who had hurt me.  I released them all to their miserable and mean-spirited worlds.  I was setting myself free and the effort was empowering.--p. 191

I especially found her thoughts on forgiveness to be life-changing:

It's been said that desiring revenge is like swallowing poison and waiting for someone else to die.  I believe that.  It took discipline and work for me to release all the anger I felt toward Merril.  But nothing I'd ever felt compared to the relief of dumping one bad emotion after another.  Go. Goodbye. Gone.  I had no more expectations.  I no longer had to fix anything.  Once I forgave Merril, his power over me evaporated.

I talked about the liberation of forgiveness.  I explained that letting go of my anger did not mean that what had happened to me was okay.  It will never be okay, but I refuse to let the past sabotage my life or curtail my energy, purpose, and joy.  I wanted no ties to my perpetrators; forgiveness cut them all.--p. 194

--There were only 2 things that I disagreed with her on in this book.  1) She voted for Obama and talked about how wonderful that was (LOL).  But I am excited for her that got to experience the privilege of voting.

2) She has some strong views on how homeschooling should be more regulated by the government.  She thinks this would help there be less educational abuse within cults like the FLDS.  Cults don't adhere to any kinds of laws, such as marrying only one wife, sexual and physical abuse, etc...How would having more government regulations keep the FLDS in check?  I don't think it would, and as we all know, more government power grabs can lead to abuse of people by them.

--Other than that, the book was amazing.  A final quote:

In the fabric of our own lives, sometimes there are colors we don't want and threads we didn't choose, but the pattern that emerges is distinctly our own.--p. 256

Carolyn Jessop--A Portrait of Courage

--At 18 years of age, Carolyn Blackmore was forced to marry 50 year old Merril Jessop. She became his 4th wife. Even though she got violently ill with each pregnancy, and the last 4 endangered her life, she gave birth to 8 children.  One of whom had numerous medical needs, and required 24/7 care.

--She lived with abuse for 17 years. Her husband was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive.  He also manipulated his other wives to punish her for not being an "obedient wife".

--She finally became disillusioned with the FLDS and polygamy.  She started planning her escape in the year 2000, and was successful on April 21, 2003.

--She was the first woman to gain full custody of her children after leaving the FDLS community.


--Carolyn Jessop has written two books, Escape and Triumph: Life After the Cult--A Survivor's Lessons.  A movie was made based on her life, In God's Country.

--I have always known that polygamy was oppressive and abusive towards women and children, but I was horrified as I learned of Carolyn's story.  I am just flabbergasted that so many men, women and children can be brainwashed so completely.

--In the FLDS, everything in a woman's life is about pleasing and obeying her husband (her priesthood head).  It is through her husband that a woman is able to get to heaven.  So, the man's needs are not only more important than a woman's, but even more important than the children's needs.

--I was shocked to hear about how the children were sexually and physically abused and neglected.  The wives couldn't risk displeasing their husbands (because that would endanger their chance of getting into heaven), so children were often neglected as a result.

--Carolyn's ability to not only survive years of brainwashing and abuse, but to escape from it is a profile in courage.  She is a heroine for women of all walks of life.

The Treatment of Women!

--Right now I am listening to the book, Escape by Carolyn Jessop on CD.  It is making me think a lot about the roles of women.

--It is sickening to hear how women and girls are treated in polygamy.  I have always known it would be horrible, but it is worse than I could've imagined.  Women have absolutely NO rights in the FLDS polygamous world.

--Teenage girls are forced to marry men that are usually 30-40 years older than them.  Up until that time they are never allowed to be around boys unsupervised, and are never taught about sex.  So, on their wedding night they are essentially raped, and have no way of seeing it coming.

--Few women are allowed to get an education past high school, and their high school education is often very poor.

--I didn't realize how the many small children would end up being neglected, but it makes sense.  Jessop describes how in the family she was forced to marry into, the other wives neglected the 30 plus children because one wife was mentally ill (and not being treated for it), another was rejected by the husband so she would spend all day in her room, and the other wives were vying for the husband's attention.

--As I listen to this sickening hell that these women were subjected too, I started to think about the women in the muslim culture.  Especially, in the Middle East and Africa, but also here in the U.S. strict muslim families require women to be covered head to foot and they literally have no freedom and no rights.

--I will also admit that in some corners of Christian society, women don't have the freedom and rights that they deserve.  I look at how I've  lived over the past 40 years, and I realize that I lived according to rules that I thought were Biblical, but now I think were more man made to keep women submissive.

--I really like the title of Jessop's book, Escape, because it highlights that women have the right to escape from any situation that is infringing upon her freedom and rights.  It only took me 40 years to have the courage to say it.