Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Jack Bauer

Life has been very sobering recently. I have some close friends going through some difficult things. It is late and I can't think of a good way to talk about it in a post. So I have been wanting to post these fun things about Jack Bauer so now seemed as good a time as any. Last night my favorite Jack Bauer line was: "Trust me, you don't want to go down this road with me." He said this right before he was going to torture a guy who wasn't cooperating. If the guy only knew how true that line was :-).

Jack Bauer Truths

If you can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Jack Bauer let the dogs out.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. (this one is my favorite)

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

The reason why terrorists attacked New York City was because Jack Bauer was in LA.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists.
Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.


The WordSmith from Nantucket said...

My favorite line in that ep was about not giving Rossler anything for the pain of his leg wound. (I blogged it..about 3 posts down- tying it in with something President Bush is rumored to have said).

I only watched a bit last season, and am making a concerted effort to tune in every Monday and not miss an ep this time around.

James Manning said...

Jack is truly the man. I missed the last episode because my baby girl decided to stick something up her nose and I spent 2 hours at the emergency room. When I asked how it happened she said it fell in her nose - then she went on a tirade about Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory and maybe that's how it got in her nose. I thought about using a Jack Bauer technique to remove the item but her mother wouldn't allow it. Anyway, I don't know what happened and I'm a lesser man today because of it.

Dionne said...

Wordsmith: You need to get the past episodes and watch them on DVD. I will have to check out that post.

James: That is hilarious about your daughter. My youngest son did the same thing. He stuck a lite brite up his nose and even the ER people couldn't get it out. We had to take him to a specialist the next day.

If you need a run down of the episode the guys on Blogs for Bauer did a good job. V the K tivo's it and then blogs on the whole thing and he does a great job.

sandy said...

Love um!

Kent said...

Jack makes the world go 'round.

James Manning said...


It is really nice to know that my kid is not the only nut case running around. I have no idea why she would do that. She's a very smart girl and knows to ask about peanuts before eating anything - but she sticks a toy up her nose. Go figure.

Dionne said...

Sandy: I loved them too so had to post them.

Kent: Isn't that the truth :-)!

James: Yah, all 4 of my kids have been to the ER one time or another. My husband and I have to take turns :-). But the lite brite up the nose is the funniest story so far.

James Manning said...

I didn't know kids still played with lite brites. those are cool. I'm planning on having another child so this is good practice.

Mark said...

I got an orange crayon stuck in my nose when I was a kid. Orange is my favorite color! Does that make me weird?

Joubert said...

Okay, you've convinced me. I'll rent the DVDs from Netflix.

Dionne said...

James: At first I was glad they still had them. But they are a pain because you have small lite brite pieces all over your house :-).

Mark: The answer to your question is yes :-).

Patrick: I'm glad you've finally seen the light :-). I think you will enjoy it. I talked another friend into watching them and she is loving it.

The WordSmith from Nantucket said...

Over a year ago, (I teach gymnastics), on a Saturday, a little kid wandering around had shoved a crayon up his nose. Fortunately, one of the team parents was there, and is a pediatrician. She managed to dislodge it with a pair of tweezers. It was quite something. I thought only kids like Ralphie in cartoonland did such things; but the pediatrician said kids shoving stuff up their noses is extremely common, and that they get a lot of it in the ER room.

(Doesn't change the fact that Mark is weird! heheh)

Dionne said...

Wordsmith: Loved that story and your comment about Mark :-).

Thanks all of you for making me laugh today. I needed it!!

Mahndisa S. Rigmaiden said...

02 08 06

Well Miss Chatterbox: If I wasn't married.....ha ha ha ha ha h ha ha Jack Bauer has to be one of the manliest men of all men! That ruggedness and focus is yummmmmmmy! Now, I hope you are feeling better cuz I know it is hard when your loved ones are goin' through it. Have a great day:)

Dionne said...

Mahndisa: You said it!!! Totally agree with you on that. Although a friend and I were talking that Kiefer Sutherland probably isn't near as impressive in real life as his character is on the show :-).

Mark: Hope you know I was just kidding. I don't consider myself to be normal either so weird is a compliment :-).

KEvron said...

"augusto pinochet is spanish for jack bauer."


sandy said...

manhdisa, just to let you know that jack buaer and I could be twins!

All he has to do is age, gain 20 pounds and lose some hair:-)

Assorted Babble by Suzie said...

LMC, I am very touched and I know where you are coming from....what a bummer but we have to have faith and look up for brighter days. At least that is what I tell myself...I am trying to focus on smiles, happiness and joy...will return hopefully soon.

I love that line you used: "Trust me, you don't want to go down this road with me." (smiling)

The other night I truly enjoyed watching Jack....and escaping all other things in life. Thanks for the are true friend. I send smiles and hugs to everyone.

Rivka said...

Chatter: gotta love Jack. Did you catch the WIRETAPPING???? EH???

James: I STUCK A PEARL UP MY NOSE WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND HAD TO GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. Maybe your little girl will be an Ann Coulter fan when she grows up!! ha!!

My memories are of my mom sticking her finger up my nose... I remember thinking.. "I wish she would quit digging in my nose, that is really gross.."...

Dionne said...

Sandy: :-)

Suzie: Smiles and hugs right back at ya. Thanks!!

Rebecca: Yah, Rush even brought that up the other day.

And it seems everyone has a story about something up their nose :-).

Dell Gines said...

I just got into 24 for the first time this year (season 5) I rented the first two seasons and have watched the m all in two weeks and am on the third now. I am hooked! Palmer for President!

Dionne said...

Dell: I'm glad you've gotten hooked :-). I loved Palmer and so wish he could be president in real life :-).