Monday, June 26, 2006

D is for Defeatist Dems & Some Fun Stuff

Toon Credit: Micheal Ramirez

Mike pointed out awhile back how dead on right Reagan was in wanting to build a missile defense system. Yet at the time the liberals made fun of him and called his plan "Star Wars". Yet who looks like the fool now with Psycho Kim Jong Il at the helm of North Korea?

Originally this was just going to be a fun post and then I found this article with an awesome title: "Give Dem '08 hopefuls a D — for defeatism" by Michael Goodwin. I don't agree with everything he says in the article but here were some great excerpts:
"If any of those Democrats had been at our nation's helm in history, we would not have gotten to D-Day or to Appomattox. Whether it is difficult is not the test of war. Those who would be President must have a steadier, more long-range view of our national interest.

But he (Bush) believes in the war on terror and has staked his presidency on winning in Iraq. In war and peace, but especially in war, the job requires such resolution. Those who don't have it shouldn't apply."

FUN STUFF: Calvin & Hobbes and a Dave Barry Column



When they're out to get you, keep cool by Dave Barry
(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on July 16, 1995.)

"Recently, I was in my office, with a lot to do, including write a column, when I got a phone call informing me that the electric company had cut off my power.

Years ago, I would have responded to this petty annoyance with a pointless, immature outburst of anger. But since then I have learned that stress management is vital to health. So I hung up the phone, took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, then punched my desk so hard that I could not make a fist for three days.

Then, using my other hand, I called the electric company, which has one of those automatic call-routing systems, designed by escaped Nazis with the aid of the Educational Testing Service, wherein you must use your touch-tone phone to pass a lengthy multiple-choice test (''... If you know your first name but NOT your last name, press ...'' ) This is the electric company's way of testing your worthiness as a customer; it's similar to the way knights of old had to prove themselves by slaying dragons, except that instead of winning the hand of a fair maiden, you get put in line to speak with an actual Customer Service Representative.

While waiting, I kept my stress level down by calmly going over the points I planned to make, as follows:

1. You stupid idiots.

2. Give me back my electricity THIS INSTANT.

3. What are you people using for brains?

4. Pez?

While I was refining these points, a Customer Service Representative came on the line and immediately irritated me by -- I believe this was a deliberate tactic on her part -- being polite. She explained to me that my electricity had been turned off because -- get a load of THIS excuse -- I had not paid my bill.

I was furious. The only thing that prevented me from hiring the entire O.J. Simpson defense team and suing the electric company for every last volt it owns was the realization that I had not, in fact, paid my electric bill. You know how you sometimes make a pile of papers that you Definitely Have To Get To Soon, and then you avoid making eye contact with the pile for several weeks, secretly hoping -- you crazy optimist -- that a giant comet will strike the Earth and wipe out all human life and you won't have to deal with it? My electric bill was in a pile like that.

The irritatingly polite woman told me that they could turn my electricity back on that day, but only if I paid the bill in person before 2 p.m. She told me to pay at a drugstore near where I live. (I don't know why she didn't have me pay at the electric company; probably they don't want anybody to find out their secret method for generating electricity, which I suspect involves a carpet being scuffed by a giant pair of mechanized shoes.)

So I had to rush home to get my electric bill, and naturally my car chose that exact moment to be low on gas, so I had to stop at one of those all-purpose gas stations that also sell beer, cigarettes, magazines, hats, beef jerky and hot dogs the same age as Strom Thurmond. Naturally, I wound up standing in line behind some moron who was investing his family's grocery money in some kind of state lottery transaction so complex as to require the full attention of ALL THREE store clerks for about 15 minutes, during which time I controlled my stress level by staring laser holes into the back of the moron's neck and shrieking silently, inside my head, WHY NOT SAVE YOURSELF SOME TIME? WHY NOT JUST SET YOUR MONEY ON FIRE?

So, as you can imagine, I was feeling very non-stressed when, with 2 p.m. rapidly approaching, I finally got back out onto the highway and immediately got stuck in severe traffic behind a driver with ears the size of pie plates who had just this moment arrived here from the year 1937 and had therefore never seen a left-turn arrow. You could see him studying it, trying to figure it out -- A green arrow! Pointing left! Here in the left-hand lane!

Whatever could it MEAN? -- while those of us behind him controlled our stress levels by pounding our horns and then yelping with pain because we had accidentally used the same hand that we had used, in an earlier stress-control effort, to punch our desk."
To read the rest go here.
Only Dave Barry could create so much humor from forgetting to pay his electric bill :-).

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