Thursday, February 09, 2006

Hope Amidst Injustice


My heart has been very heavy and distracted lately so I have found it hard to post about politics. So I'm going to do a personal post today. I think it will be therapeutic for me and hopefully helpful to others.

First of all I had the weekend from hell. Saturday I was awokened to a phonecall from a close friend. She broke the news to me right away that her husband had molested her daughter. For anyone who is a mother these are the worst words you ever have to hear. There are so many other things a woman can survive. You can survive a death, divorce, an affair but to know your child has been molested is the most horrific news. And especially for the molestation to be by the person who is supposed to be your support system and help you through this trauma.

Another friend and I went over to her house and spent the whole day helping her deal with everything until her parents arrived from out of town. It was awful. As I'm doing her laundry I see her husband's clothes and a range of horrible emotions goes through me.

My friend had to contact a lot of people including her ex-husband who is her daughter's father. And on saturday we didn't know a lot of things so my friend was envisioning the worst. After the investigation it appears (although I'm sure nothing is for sure) that there was only one incident and her daughter was asleep.

Everyone heaved a sigh of relief that her daughter had been spared. We thanked God that He had intervened before something worse had happened. But my friend also realizes that her life will never be the same. Her hopes and dreams of having a normal, happy family life and future are gone. The death of the dream of what your life was supposed to be like. She won't be able to homeschool anymore and will have to get a job. Her daughter won't be able to see her step-father anymore and she won't know why. There will be no vacations together and no husband to help her through the difficulties of life. My friend keeps saying she doesn't know how to live her life now, this wasn't how it was supposed to be.

As I have been praying for her and trying to help her the awareness of the unfairness of life becomes a reality. What do you do when you feel like life is unfair and you have no hope?


I remembered a "Little House on the Prairie" episode. Mary was losing her sight and Charles and Mary were devastated. Charles was praying at the church and the Pastor told him that it was God's will. Charles lashed out and said how could it be God's will that his daughter was going blind? After initially being bitter and angry Mary went on to learn to cope with her blindness. Her dream before blindness was to be a teacher. She thought that dream was dead. But she ended up being a teacher for the blind. It was a different version of the dream. But the difference was if she had never gone blind she wouldn't have been able to help blind children.

So my thought was when it seems that you have no hope and your original dreams have been dashed God can give you a different dream. It may not be the one you would've originally chosen but you still have a special purpose and a reason for being here. It takes awhile to grieve and mourn your loss but while you are grieving you can be aware that there is still hope even though life is many times very unjust and very unfair.

22 comments:

James Manning said...

Wow, that is deep. I had a friend that started a non-profit to deal with sexually abused children and their families. She is a child advocate lawyer and the problem she had is that the system didn't deal with the spiritual breakdown of the family when something like that happens. The girl will be ok, but she will have to deal with the emotions of losing her step-father. The mother's trust has been shattered, and only God can heal that - and it may take years.

My little girl is my step-daughter but I've known her since she was barely walking. I couldn't imgagine doing something like that. But she already knows that no one is to touch her. And she knows to tell her mother even if it is a male relative. It's a shame that you have to teach that, but you do.

When my friend asked me to help her with her non-profit, I had no idea that sexual abuse in the black community was as bad as it is. But sickness knows no class, color or ethnic boundary.

You just have to pray for her and be with her. She is in for a battle... I actually feel sad for her but as you know, God is able to heal anything and make anything possible. I'll say a prayer for you and your friend.

Little Miss Chatterbox said...

James: I really, really appreciate that. It means a lot to me. Thanks! Your daughter is lucky to have such a great dad. And kudos to your friend and you for working with the non-profit group to help those whose lives have been shattered by this.

keltic&swiss said...

Amen, Sister!
God is not the reason/initiator of bad things that happen in our lives. It's the sin that is in the world. God is the one who provides help, comfort and a way to use the pain/heartache. And, as you said, He provides a different path for us to follow - made stronger by the difficulties we have gone through.

Just like when our kids stick things up their noses (my girl put a button up hers) - it's not ME that caused her to do it, but I was there to help get it out (with tweezers- ick!). Okay, lame analogy, but still...
When we have a personal relationship with the Lord, we know His grace will sustain us.

Little Miss Chatterbox said...

Kelli: Thanks, that means a lot to me. Especially after what you've just been through. And I liked your analogy since we just discussed that :-). You're awesome and yes God's grace does sustain us.

The WordSmith from Nantucket said...

That is a very powerful post...and the search for hope and meaning in it all and the ability to survive the most horrific of circumstances, says a lot about the durability of the human spirit.

Your friend and her daughter will get past this. For every world that ends, another one is created. Our nature is usually such, that no matter what twists and turns our lives take, no matter what choices we make, we are able to reap the good from it.

What makes me sad, is that the need to protect our children from child predators will also have us so overly protective, that we risk denying them nurturing qualities in adults; adults who may just want to give a child a caring hug, but is afraid to touch a child for fear of false accusations.

That is such a betrayal of trust for your friend and her daughter. I know they are blessed with your friendship,and such small things as "being there" for them, helps.

Mahndisa S. Rigmaiden said...

02 09 06

LMChatterbox: Thank God that your friend has someone like you in her life. The story is sad. I honestly hope the girl was asleep and deeply sleeping so that she will have no memory at all of that event. You know what the Bible says about hurting children in any way and that dude MUST be gone and perhaps taken to jail AND A counselor! You know what you said about dreams changing shape but still being dreams is real. Your friend may end up being a teacher or an advocate for children who have been similarly hurt. She has a lot of options to turn the situation from lemons to lemonade. I will be praying for your friend, you and the little girl. I used to get heart palpitations when I heard about this kinda stuff and let my heart fill with rage. But the only thing I can think of now is the welfare of the child and the mother. Damn the dude.

Please take care and continue to be the decent and wonderful person that you are. I am sorry to hear this news.

Little Miss Chatterbox said...

Wordsmith: Thank-you so much for your kind comments and you make a lot of really good points.

Mahndisa: Thank-you so much for your kind words and I totally agree. I don't have a whole lot of compassion for the man. I know he needs help but my compassion is always for the victims. And you are right about the Bible saying that about hurting kids. A good reminder.

Lone Pony said...

Dee, that was very inspirational and it came at a perfect time. Thank you! I sent the picture to a friend of mine that is going through a rough time.

Assorted Babble by Suzie said...

I feel the emotions pouring throughout your post. I am deeply saddened for your friend and her baby. As you said God has a purpose for our life and sometimes it is not what we had intended it to me. We all need to pray for her and the strength that Our Lord will give her to make it through each day. My heart breaks by this...I really do not know what else to say except I will pray for her, her family and you. LMC, you are a very special person with a wonderful heart. I know your friend treasures your love and understanding. What a wonderful friend you are.

Mark said...

There is no way I could ever understand the kind of trauma this causes. My prayers are with your friend.

Little Miss Chatterbox said...

LP: I'm glad!

Suzie: Thanks so much for your kind words and prayers. They mean a lot to me.

Mark: Thanks for your prayers!!

sandy said...

I hope your friend realizes very soon that getting rid of a man like that is not a loss, but a gain.

I'm like James, I just can't imagine how a man can molest a child or anyone for that matter. There should be a special hell for them.

Little Miss Chatterbox said...

Sandy: You make an excellent point. And I hope and pray my friend is able to realize it. I sure do.

And my husband is in the same camp with you and James.

Revka said...

Girl, that is horrible.. and what an excellent post.. I was sad, but when i scrolled down to the little house on the prairie i chuckled a bit, but with reverance because Little House is what you love... me too!!
Also, I hope you and your friend can continue to encourage her NOT to take him back out of fear... As you know, that happenes a lot. Whether it happened in her sleep or when she was awake, usually if it is 'one time' the wife sometimes will take him back.. he will talk her into a 'second chance'.. Thanks for posting about this..

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

I'm praying for your friend and her family...

clew said...

Hi there - I've seen you around other blogs and thought I'd pop on over. I was moved and touched by this post ... Under different circumstance, I am living proof that God has a purpose for each of us even when we don't see any shred of hope to go on. Sometimes we need to trust Him to carry us - sometimes it's all we CAN do. I dont even know what else to say other than I am praying for your friend and her daughter ...

May His grace sustain all of you through this ...

Little Miss Chatterbox said...

Rebecca: Thanks, and yah I knew the Little House on the Prairie might be a little corny for some people but it fit so well for me. In my life LHOP episodes relate to the serious things in life and Seinfeld is for all the humorous things.

CUG: Thanks!!!

Clew: Thanks for stopping by. And for your wonderful words of encouragement.

Revka said...

Chatter, That blind episode on LHOP made me ball. I used to cry every time i watched them. I can see why they are really great to watch when something this horrible happens to a friend. It refreshes you knowing there are men out there who really do love their girls and would never even think of that..
I hope i wasn't too harsh with my last comment.. Didn't mean to be.. After reading it, it seemed inappropriate for the atmosphere of the post.. I hope you didn't take it that way..
Love you sis..

Assorted Babble by Suzie said...

Just checking on you to see how things are going. I know it is difficult at this time....but please know I have said prayers for you and your friend/family. I will continue to do so...With each and every day I hope life is a little brighter and doors open as God Bless you all.
Sending hugs.....
Your friend,
Suzie

shoprat said...

It seems like an epidemic of this is happening. There is not much I can say except express grief over so much suffering in this world.

jgf said...

Your friend and her child are in my prayers. Although life won't be the same, it can be wonderful if the struggles are dealt with early on. Please make sure a professional helps them both deal with the grief and anger.

Little Miss Chatterbox said...

Rebecca: I didn't think you were harsh at all. I totally understood where you were coming from. Thanks!!

Suzie: Thanks for checking in, you are a great friend :-).

Shoprat: You are right. And I think that is what is so hard. Seeing this suffering within your own circle of friends makes you see how rampant it is.

Juanita: Thanks so much. I know you can relate to this after what you've been through. Please pray that she will seek counseling. I have been adamant about it but she seems to want to be in denial about things sometimes and I'm concerned she's not going to get help.